The Questionnaire

"How would you make the world a better place? Change "Casual Friday" to "Pants Optional Friday.""

What are you doing these days?
I graduated last month from the Jagiellonian University in Cracow (Poland) and figured I am due some vacation time, so my days consist of sleeping till noon and trying to come up with new euphemisms for “penis” over at Cracked.com, where I often freelance.

I am also getting ready to marry my girlfriend of 8 years and moving to Japan but I don’t want to bore you with the small stuff.

What turns you on creatively?
Weird facts. As the old saying goes: reality is much more horribly disturbing than fiction, and the thought that I can make people laugh and mentally scar them at the same time—with my writing—gets me out of bed and in front of the computer each day.

If you were a mind-reader whose mind would you like to read?
My own, because I often ask myself “what the hell was I thinking?” I reckon telepathy could help answer that.

If you could travel in time, which era would you visit?
I’d probably travel into the future; a couple hundred years or so. You can’t tell me you’re not curious about how future porn is going to look like.

What is your favorite sound?
The sounds of the city at night.

What is the album or song that influences you the most?
Kamelot’s “Karma,” especially the title song.

Who would you like to collaborate with? And why?
Oscar Wilde, probably the wittiest man who’s ever lived. Did you know he also wore a cape? Batman wears a cape. I think that answers that.
No one alive really comes to mind. I guess I mostly prefer to work alone.

What drives you crazy?
People who cannot wait to tell me their life story, especially when I didn’t ask for it. I remember the first time I ran into such a person: it was July 1998 and I had just seen the American remake of Godzilla, because I was always a fan of the Japanese originals, which I still think are way better, because like my uncle always used to say…

What makes you laugh?
I am a big fan of British comedy, especially Blackadder, probably the funniest show I’ve ever seen. I also love animated humor (Futurama, Looney Tunes) and comedy from days past, like Abbott & Costello, Laurel & Hardy or the Marx Brothers.

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?
Assuming we’re operating with the standard “No wishing for a million wishes” clause I would probably ask for actual magic powers, which is like having an infinite supply of wishes. Then, in all honesty, I would probably go mad with power and enslave humanity (it’s good to be honest with yourself).

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
During the viral marketing for “The Dark Knight” I put on full Joker make-up and had a friend take pictures of me in front of a few Cracow landmarks. After uploading them to rorysdeathkiss.com I got a couple of stickers and a copy of a fake newspaper. Totally worth it.

What makes you feel embarrassed?
I once did the YMCA dance during a baseball game halftime competition in Yokohama. In the official version I was drunk… and didn’t win…

What are your favorite web-sites (not including the ones that you are participating in)?
Fark, Zero Punctuation, That Guy With The Glasses, and Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal would definitely be up there.

What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
After a metal concert me and my friends (all dressed in leather and chains) went down to MacDonald’s and taught the girl behind the counter how to make a “MacSatan.” Incidentally, that’s: bun, patty, bacon, patty, bacon, patty, bun, with any kind of hot sauce.

How would you make the world a better place?
Change “Casual Friday” to “Pants Optional Friday.”

What is your biggest weakness?
I have a tendency to act like a bratty Know It All, though that’s not a problem as long as I have good friends nearby who know when to smack me on the head and tell me to cut that shit out.

Where will you be in 10 years?
Hopefully in the same place I am now: making people laugh with my writing. The only difference is, in 10 years I plan to be doing it from inside my 3-story solid gold mansion. The one in Europe.

Write a question that you’d like to ask yourself and answer it.
- What are you doing with your life?
- Whatever the hell I want.

Who would you like to see answer this Questionnaire?
David X. Cohen

Associations
Love -- family
Death -- Discworld
God -- beard
TV – The Wire
Family -- sitcom
Politics -- Congress
Internet -- comedy
Happiness -- freedom
Music -- metal
Cezary Strusiewicz – older brother

Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a freelance comedy writer, most often found on Cracked.com

 Email This Post

 Print This Post

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 Loading ...

Liked this questionnaire? How 'bout a small tip so we can keep interviewing more interesting people?