The Questionnaire

"I like jokes that confuse a lot of people in the room or make them uncomfortable."

What are you doing these days?
I am enjoying married life, because I got married.

What turns you on creatively?
Watching lots of comedy. It gets my brain thinking like a funny person.

If you were a mind-reader whose mind would you like to read?
I would like to read Jesus Christ’s mind while he was eating that Last Supper. I’ll bet he had some choice words for Peter, Judas, the whole bunch. “You’re chewing with your mouth open again, Thaddeus, you disgusting toad! And Peter, you’re going to deny you know me, even though we totally wash each other’s feet all the time!!!! I can’t stand you idiots!!!!!”

If you could travel in time, which era would you visit?
Definitely the 1960s in America, the Sexual Revolution. Translation: women were giving it away on the street. You couldn’t take a half-hour lunch break without some topless 19 year-old offering you a quickie, “because it’s my body, Daddy, and I’ll do what I want with it!”

What is your favorite sound?
The sound of my baby’s first word, which will be, “Don’t.”

What is the album or song that influences you the most?
Peaches’s “Fuck the Pain Away” is perhaps the most influential song to me, because I used to take Bayer for the pain, but her way is better.

Who would you like to collaborate with? And why?
Christopher Guest is tops on that list. Then there’s a whole shitload of funny motherfuckers like Adam McKay, Harold Ramis, Tina Fey, Todd Phillips, Mitch Hurwitz, Garry Marshall, I mean, I love people who do it all; act, write, produce, direct.

What drives you crazy?
Paper cuts. Paper should not be able to cut your skin. It’s absurd. Also, most repetitive noises that come from humans, like gum-snapping, fingernail clipping and breathing.

What makes you laugh?
I like jokes that confuse a lot of people in the room or make them uncomfortable. I like puns that challenge people’s cognitive abilities, as well as puns that don’t. For example: “My favorite soda? Rape.”

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?
OK, I can’t wish for unlimited wishes, right? And I can’t wish for unlimited genies in unlimited bottles? And I will actually GET what I wish for, right? OK. Wish #1: That my wife’s dreams come true Wish #2: That my health remains terrific throughout my life Wish #3: That my kids’ dreams come true, unless said dreams involve my or my wife’s death/dismemberment

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
At the age of 32, I dressed up like a teenage girl and sang a song called, “Shoes” in front of people.

What makes you feel embarrassed?
Accidental viewing of nude family relatives. Even the hotties. Maybe especially the hotties because I know I’ll touch myself later with them in mind. No judging, please.

What are your favorite web-sites (not including the ones that you are participate in)?
I like Ken Levine’s blog, and The Nerdist and Bob Cesca for politics.

What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
When I was 7, my family and I made a video about fish heads playing baseball and bowling. Again, no judging, please.

How would you make the world a better place?
Hate and anger can be mitigated with a good laugh. You can’t plan a genocide when you’re laughing at a fart joke. Make ‘em laugh. Don’t you know all the world wants to laugh?

What is your biggest weakness?
My lack of muscle.

Where will you be in 10 years?
The year will be 2020, right? So, no brainer. I’ll be at ABC TV’s 20/20 New Year’s Party. That’s going to blow everyone’s mind.

Write a question that you like to ask yourself and answer it.
Q–Liam, with all the characters you play in your videos, do you ever think maybe you’re schitzophrenic?
A–Who’s asking?

Associations
Love – sweat
Death – doctor
God – up
TV – bleed
Family – Boba Fettuccine
Politics – junior high
Internet – treasure
Happiness – cool peace sign
Fame – gaga
Music – man
Comedy – slave
Liam Kyle Sullivan – berrylicious

Liam Sullivan is a comedian and actor best known for his music video Shoes.

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