The Questionnaire

"I’d go back to the 1970’s. I prefer the fashion of the time. And I like a natural bush."

What are you doing these days?
Writing, touring, re-watching every season of “The Wire.” That’s some good shit.

What turns you on creatively?
Writing a melody so beautiful it makes me cry, then ruining it with retarded lyrics.

If you were a mind-reader whose mind would you like to read?
Thom Yorke. I would steal all of his song ideas before he could copyright them.

If you could travel in time, which era would you visit?
I’d go back to the 1970′s. I prefer the fashion of the time. And I like a natural bush.

What is your favorite sound?
The cello.

What is the album or song that influences you the most?
Anything by Patty Griffin or Wesley Willis.

Who would you like to collaborate with? And why?
I would say Gram Parsons, but he’s dead. So that would be difficult. How about Wayne Coyne? I love his voice and his lyrical styles. He’s very imaginative. He could inject some much needed weirdness into my songwriting.

What drives you crazy?
Traffic. Bad grammar. Mariah Carey-style singing. When my DVR doesn’t record the end of “Top Chef.”

What makes you laugh?
David Brent. Annie Hall. Spinal Tap. Curb Your Enthusiasm.

What is the first song you ever wrote?
A highly embarrassing love song to my high school girlfriend. I never recorded it, so there’s no evidence that it even exists, thank sweet Jesus.

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?
Good health, happiness, and to retire when I’m 40, so I can lie around the house and watch “Top Chef.”

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
Drugs.

What makes you feel embarrassed?
Most of my old songs.

What are your favorite web-sites (not including the ones that you
participate in)?
I’m not much of a world wide web kind of guy, but I spend a lot of time at FullTilt Poker.

What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
The Wedding Singer on Broadway.

How would you make the world a better place?
I would establish universal health care in the U.S., end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and legalize marijuana.

What is your biggest weakness?
Krispy Kreme donuts and laziness.

Where will you be in 10 years?
At the lake, sitting on my pontoon boat, drinking cold beer and doing the New York Times crossword puzzle (Friday and Saturday only, please).

Write a question that you like to ask yourself and answer it.
What band or artist would you like to cover one of your songs?
I think D’Angelo could bring some sex appeal to my material.

Who would you like to answer that Questionnaire?
The guy who plays Bunk on “The Wire.”

Associations
Love — Is all you need.
Death — My father.
God — Not a believer.
TV — Too much.
Family — Ties.
Broadway — Hair.
Politics — Lefty.
Internet — Convenience.
Happiness — The most important thing in the world.
Fame — Not important.
Music — Yes.
Stephen Lynch — Enough already.

Stephen Lynch is a self-proclaimed “musician trapped in the body of a comedian”. He recently released his fourth much anticipated CD, 3 Balloons.

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